Behold the wonder and majesty of the Barrel of Monkeys Story Archive! Here you can read over 15 years worth of stories written by children that Barrel of Monkeys have performed for the public. It’s been a magical journey.

In an effort to reduce the many obstacles that stand in the way of writing stories, making plays, and using imagination, we ask that students not focus on spelling and grammar while they craft their work. We ask that you keep this in mind when you delve into their masterpieces.

The President

By Shari S., Cather School, Super 7 Girls Program

Everyone knows that Obama is and has been President since 2008. But it isn’t easy being President. Bush always sneaks whooping cushions into Barack’s seat. It made a big fart noice like ftft. All the guards would laugh like Bush, then Barack would throw a banana pudding in his face, and the guard would spit it at him (quapov) but it didn’t smell so good. Barrack would laugh until Michelle asks where her homemade banana pudding is but Barrack would always say the guards ate it. And she would kick them both (Phow). At the end of the day barrack would get in the elevator and would really fart and killed everyone. Sasha said daddy you stink. Everyone died so Barrack lived in an apartment until he farted in this sleep and died. THE END.

Full Vampire

By Kassandra, Josue, Tony, Jaivin, Miley, Nate, & Thomas, Prieto Math and Science Academy

One dark Halloween night Brad was in a haunted house in chi town. A vampire who he thought was fake jumped out at him. But it wasn’t fake and the vampire bit Brad and sucked his blood. He ran with dizziness to his mom’s house. He was scared. His mom put two little pieces of toilet paper on the bites but the vampire followed him. The vampire bit his mom! She was too weak and turned into a vampire. Brad decided to bite the vampire to get his blood back. He sucks all the blood out of the vampire, the vampire turned all white and died. Brad got really dizzy, his face turned red, and he died. The mom is still a vampire and kept turning people into vampires into the whole world was a vampire. To be continued! THE END.

The Dark Souled Witch

By Khamaria C., Dixon Elementary School

Once upon a time there was a witch named nasty Bella she once lived I a bright home the time flew past as she got older and older he house got darcker and darcker she never cleaned it. I was filled of old sunflower seeds, Bananna pells, dusty brooms, spoiled and rotten eggs. Her house had no A.C. She could breathe but no one else could her cat did nearly 5 years ago. Form no air to breathe. When ever someone tried to come in her house she’d hurt them with her special knife until January 11, 1995 she decided to clean her house she cooked and brang family she wanted to change her life style. The end.

The Man Who Was Supposed to Be President

By Everett R., Loyola Park After-School Program

The Man who was supposed to be president, Albert Olive, put his hand on his head and said, “This is not going as planned, this is not going as planned.” Then he shouted “This is not going as planned!” Then his assistant, Oliver, tried to get all the people to vote for Mr. Olive. He tried to convince the people saying “Please! Pick this nice person”. So the people said “OK.” But some of them lied, and Mr. Olive became second in command. THE END.

The Serious Day

By Diante P. and Miles B., Learn Elementary School, Campbell Campus

Characters: Diante (Werewolf) and Michael (the Dad)
Setting: The Woods

Michael: (Serious) Son go and hunt some food.
Diante: (Scratching his ear) Dad I can’t I’m gonna get hurt.
Michael: (Mad) Son you’re not going to get hurt.
Diante: (Crying) All right Dad.
Michael: (happy) Now go out there son and hunt some deer.
Diante: (Dead) Heeeeeellp Dad!!!!!
Michael: (running) (Crying) I’m sorry son! I will always love you.

The End.

U Can’t Win

By Octavio R., Columbia Explorers Academy

There was once a game show called U Can’t Win. The game show host was called Dorito and his assistant was named Elmo. He was the one who escorted the people out of the stage. The contestants were Al Gore, a woman named Helga and Pete construction worker.
Dorito: Welcome to your favorite show U Can’t Win. Our contestants today are Al Gore, Helga and Pete construction worker. Our first question is for Helga. Here is the question. How many shoes?
Helga: What is the rest of the question?
Dorito: That’s the question.
Helga: OK. 7.
Dorito: Sorry the answer is 9 because U Can’t Win! (audience cheering) Our next question is for Pete construction worker. The question is, in Alaska the snow is…
Pete: That’s easy the answer is meatloaf.
Dorito: Sorry, the answer is meatloaf.
Pete: That’s what I said.
Dorito: Sorry but I didn’t hear you because U Can’t Win (audience cheering).
Pete: Dis is not fair.
(He attacks Dorito. Elmo comes out and takes Pete off stage. And he says Elmo knows
where you live.)
Pete: I’ll be back.
Dorito: Pete construction worker and Helga have been disqualified. Al Gore you havebeen chosen to go into super sudden death. You’re gonna have to eat 300 meatballs in ten seconds (audience cheering).
Al Gore: I sure do love meatballs.
(Dorito starts counting sown, when he reached 3 Al Gore says he’s finished)
Dorito: Sorry, that was 303 meatballs cause U Can’t Win.
Al Gore: I demand a recount.
(Helga comes out a grabs Dorito and throws him to the audience and he yells U Can’t
Win.)

The End.

Mr. Potatohead at War!

By Cristian O. and Antonio S., Lorca Elementary School

Characters: Potatohead, Son, Soldiers, and Russian Soldier
Setting: Russian War

MP: (he is walking) Aaah fresh air.
S: (guns shooting) we need reinforcements.
MP: (scared) wha-what’s going on here.
S: (solider sees Mr. Potatohead) He says get out of her cause you are going to die or get hurt!
M.P.: My son is where the Russian soldiers are man that I don’t know.
S: (screaming) hurry up bring more tanks there is a potato civilian in enemy building!
M.P.: (sad) give me my son or I am going in to get him.
S: All right all right we are going to get your son!
M.P.: Oh my goddnes I am going to bet my son!
Hours later
R.S.(talking to a radio) hurry bring our tanks and choppers. (R.S. dies)
S: (throws grenade) Hurry move it.

The End.

Pirate Time/Creepzy Queen Victoria!

By Sofia V., Loyola Park After-School Program

Once there was a girl named Sofia. She found a time traveling train and got on and started to drive. She passed every time period she could imagine. The first life on earth, then the dinosaurs, sometime after came ancient Egypt, then sometime after that came the civil war, and so on. She made a stop in the middle of the ocean. Why? She was waiting for a pirate ship! (duh!) soon some pirates appeared. Well, I wouldn’t say “appeared” because they didn’t just pop out of nowhere! She secretly snuck onboard and blended in with the crew. She spent about 3 hours there before she wanted to leave on the train. She said goodbye to her pirate friends. Next she traveled to Queen Victoria’s time. A sign was down at the docks. “Queen Victoria welcomes you to London!” it said. Then it slipped around and the sign was covered with fire there was a picture of Queen Victoria holding knives. It now read unless you’re a pirate! I guess it’s time to go! Bye! She got back on the train and drove home. THE END.

The Darkness

By Donachie C., Loyola Park After-School Program

In the cave of darkness. Donald Trump was talking to a bear. And then nothing. The bear scratched Donald Trump’s face off. And then ate his bones. And then he ate the blood and skin for dinner. Then Donald Trump has his death. THE END.

The Ten Diamonds and Sisters

By Michelle A., Johnson School of Excellence

One day ten sister went for a walk in the woods with their very long hair. Their mom said wear your sweater and don’t talk to strangers or they will take advantage of you and what you do. So when you go to the beach be with each other and never talk to each other and don’t take out your diamonds and keep them in your jacket or someone will go in it. But if you go in the water put it in you bathing suit and if you let them get taken then I can’t trust you with another one so keep it with you at all time so keep it with you ok and you will be safe. At 10:00 come home for dinner and if you don’t you all will be on punishment until you move from me so don’t disappoint me and keep you peace together. THE END.