Posted by Lacy on November 21, 2009
As Thanksgiving approaches, I look forward to the sights and sounds of the holiday season, including cheaply made electric lights, dried brush and trees, and unattended candles, all warming my 900-square-foot condo.
Speaking of mansions, perhaps this is a good time to take a look at instances of devastating housefires in both That’s Weird, Grandma and the very exciting Loyola Park After School Program show, BOTH happening Monday.
In Grandma, we have “The King and The Queen,” in which Miranda, the young queen, has a bad morning, after which she “went outside, put the mansion on fire, and left the mansion burning to flames.”
In an untitled opus by Jaerell, making its debut at the Loyola Park show, the lead character Kenny arrives home after winning a cruise around the world, to find his luck has come to an abrupt end: “when the cruise was over, Kenny called a taxi driver but when he got into the taxi Kenny asked the address the taxi driver said the mansion was burned by people just by accident.”
We MUST STOP BURNING our MANSIONS!
Sadly, neither character recovers from the disaster or resulting homelessness (second lesson: MAKE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE SPARE BEDROOMS) (OR AT LEAST A FUTON). The narrator from The King and The Queen informs us that Miranda “was on the street looking for money so since she didn’t have food so she died,” while over at Loyola Park, “Kenny was shocked he became homeless by the next 100 days Kenny died of heart attack Kenny was 63 years old. Fin.”
Sixty-three. So young. And Miranda was only 25. Cry, cry, monkeys. Cry.
So, what have we learned?
Fire leads to starvation and cardiac arrest.
Kenny’s story has a surprisingly artistic/european end. Or maybe Jaerell was suddenly thinking about sharks?
Food for thought this Thanksgiving, friends. I’ll mull it over while I decorate a fire extinguisher and arrange garlands attractively around our newly installed sprinkler system.